Somehow my 2012 adventures in the southeast are soon to be coming to a close. I've been gone from home for over three months and as far as things look now, while I'm definitely ready to go home, this entire experience was just what I needed to get back to where I need to be. Jump-started with the QT2 Florida training camp where I had a few good workouts and a lot of workouts (the running ones) that reiterated just how far I had to go. Then some random wandering around Florida, some of which was spent alone and some with friends in Clearwater and then with my friend Kim in Daytona. Then it was off to Birmingham for a couple of months of dedicated training.
I'll say, things did not start out smoothly. I felt slow and out of shape and overweight. None of those were unfamiliar feelings over the past, say, two years. But missing this time was the hopeless feeling that things weren't going to get any better, even if I did the training. And here's a secret: if you think things aren't going to get better, they aren't. You can do the training all you want, but if your head isn't in it and you don't think it's going to get you anywhere, well, it won't. I'm not going to say that on every training session I felt amazing and knew that things were going to go great this year, but I also wasn't approaching everything with dread. And every once in a while I'd finish a workout and be able to look back on it and think that it actually went really well and maybe I was finally getting somewhere. And the more of those I had, the better things got.
I had a bit of a confidence boost in Galveston, which was nice. A great swim for me, a solid bike and a run that, well, the overall split wasn't great, but there were some moments in there in which I actually felt pretty good, including towards the end which hasn't happened in a long time, so I considered it a good sign even if the overall pace wasn't very good. That allowed me to return to Birmingham for the last weeks of training knowing that things had already improved dramatically and I was ready to tackle the biggest weeks of training. It was tiring and not always easy and not every workout was great but I did keep getting better and finally started feeling much closer to my old self for the first time in a very long time. And, more importantly, I started to look like my old self. For me, and I'm sure for a lot of people, just looking the part inspires a lot more confidence.
So now I'm back in Texas again after having to drive through Louisiana. If I ever make plans in my life ever again that require me to drive through the state of Louisiana, please someone stop me. I hate that stretch of I-10 and I-12 and after crossing it on the way back home after the race, I never want to see it again! Last year when I drove from California to Florida, this year to Galveston and back and now again here and back. No more! Anyway, it has been cooler here but it's supposed to get really hot for the race, of course. I'm not too nervous about that since in my time here I have gotten to the point where I'm really cold if it's only like 75 degrees out.
Last night I went to bed thinking about how I only get two more nights to go to sleep that are not the night before the race. I haven't done one of these since the disastrous season of 2010 where I had not one, but two hideously bad Ironman races: St. George and Lake Placid. My two personal worsts. It feels like far more than two years ago, but at the same time I definitely still remember the feeling of being on those start lines and knowing things weren't going to go well. And it wasn't just because I wasn't feeling great that day, it was because I didn't feel prepared to race either mentally or physically. I knew my training hadn't gone well because my head wasn't in it and I wasn't anywhere near as fit as I needed to be. Even if I'd been delusional about my preparation there is no way I could've even willed myself to do much better than I did. I've shown up at Ironman start lines feeling completely ready to go (aside from the typical nervousness) and I've shown up feeling totally ill-prepared and I think it's pretty obvious which is the preferable way to approach things.
Do I feel as ready as I've ever felt? No, definitely not. But do I feel more ready than I've felt in years? Absolutely. I know it won't be my best race. And that's not me being negative, that is me being realistic. While it can't be my best, it can certainly be a big step back in the right direction. And considering how far I've come in only the past two months I can certainly do a lot more over the course of the rest of the season, and that is definitely a good feeling to have.
What happened to change things? For one thing, I'll say I decided when my foot was broken last season to embrace my time off and really, really rest for the first time in... nine years. I think that was exactly what I needed. It allowed the injury itself to heal, it allowed any other little nagging aches and pains built up from years and years of training to go away and, most importantly, it allowed me that mental break from training and gave me enough time away from things to really, really want to train and race again. It felt like starting from scratch back in the fall, but it definitely all came back quicker than I expected.
So here I am now, running paces I haven't seen in a very long time, swimming better than ever and biking strongly. 90% of the clothing I brought with me for this trip doesn't fit anymore. I had to wear my one pair of jeans I brought yesterday and not only do I not have to unbutton them to put them on or take them off, the belt I have for them feels loose on its last notch. I do have a couple of pairs at home that should fit, thankfully, but those were definitely tight when I got here. And I know, I need to go shopping and I will but I think it would be better to wait until I get home.
So this race holds a lot of meaning for me. Not just in the sense that I feel like it's my first opportunity to actually do well since about 2009, but the last time I crossed an Ironman finish line my dad was there. He didn't see me race in Arizona in 2007 or Utah in 2010 or Hawaii in 2009, but he was in Hawaii all of the other years and watched me race in Lake Placid all seven times. I will never forget seeing him when I came off the bike in 2006 about to take the lead. And nobody else from my family will be here either because my cousin Kevin is getting married on Friday night. It's definitely not going to be easy not just to not have him there to watch but to know that I can't call him after to tell him how it went. But hopefully in some ways he'll be with me all day and I can make him proud.
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